You’ve probably have heard this old saying: if you don’t love yourself, why should you expect others to do what you can’t do for yourself. There’s a lot of truth to that. Let’s put it this way, if you are conflicted or confused about your emotions, there’s a high chance you are not sending the right signals to people around you. They want to help, and they care and love you, but they can’t quite seem to reach you. I know it hurts but the truth is, it’s all your fault.
You have to understand that life is not a movie. When you’re watching movies there is a script, there is a footage, and there are actors. But at the end of the day, you’re watching something that is complete. There’s nothing you can do to influence whatever goes on in the movie. All you can do is sit down, watch the movie and let the directors, screenwriters, and actors perform for you. That’s how it works.
I don’t know the exact nature of your relationships but that should not be a one way street. There is give and take. It’s very easy for people to feel frustrated in their relationship because they can’t get what they wanted from it in the first place. They don’t bother to stop and think about their role in the relationship. What are you putting in? How do you influence the flow of the emotional signals that you have with the other person? Is it fair to that other person when you put all the weight on their shoulders? Of course not. You don’t want that done to you, right? This is where lack of emotional clarity comes in.
Most people always focus on how they’re being cheated, how they’re being hurt, and how they’re not getting what they feel they have coming to them. Rarely do they look at the other side. People are very shallow about it. This is a serious problem because if you want more fulfilling relationships, you need to develop the emotional intelligence skill of emotional clarity.
A lot of people define this ability in strictly self-serving facts. In their words they say, “I just need to know how I’m feeling and what kind of emotions are going through my mind and heart at any given point of time.” That’s just part of the picture. If you stop there, then it’s no surprise that your relationships are not living up to their fullest potential. What’s the problem here? It’s not just about you that’s a big part of your relationship, but there’s the other side of the equation. You have to also pay attention to the consequences of your emotional signals and most importantly the clarity with which you communicate.
People with low emotional intelligence suffer from a disconnect between what they feel and how other people perceive them. They always think that it’s the other person responsibility to perceive them clearly. Maybe you’re just not communicating emotionally clearly enough..